Today was rough. Last night was a complete lack of sleep due to pain and heartburn, improved upon by a series of unfortunate events. Instead of writing about the assorted awful that bombarded me, I’m going to focus on the stuff that gets me through even when storm clouds threaten. I’ll rant another day.
- I have the absolute best man I could acquire. He’s complicated and goofy and glorious. I never have a moment’s doubt about his love and respect for me. He spoils me rotten. He cooks and cleans (actually, he does MOST of the cleaning, for which I am eternally grateful since that’s a part of adult life I have never quite mastered). He doesn’t just cook, he cooks delicious food. He has never complained about eating ‘unmanly’ foods like tofu and vegetarian dishes. He’s infinitely patient with my shenanigans. He gives amazing hugs. He cracks me up. I can deal with his nonstop presence in my space all day without wanting to tear his head off (that’s a feat, I promise you). He’s seeeexy, despite his attempts to downplay it. I’ve waged a three-year battle in my attempt to replace his worn-to-threads jacket that I’ve only JUST won. He thinks -I- am sexy, even if I’m sick and feel gross. He can keep up with me intellectually and adores my passion for stuff that most people find dull, and he even shares my passion on some of those same subjects. He’s just as much of a nerd as I am and doesn’t care if I descend into a book or a game for days at a time. He gives me space, but also lets me invade his when I need to. No matter what’s happening, I know he’ll be there for me in a heartbeat if I need him. No amount of money or prestige can replace what he is for me. I am incredibly lucky to have found not one man like this in my life, but two.
- My kiddos are amazing. I have three rock star daughters who have managed to navigate their way almost to adulthood through some incredibly rough patches. All three have suffered the death of a parent, despite not being raised in the same household. All three have dealt with more than kids should ever have to. Yet despite that, they’ve all managed to figure out who they are and become pretty great pending adults. I am incredibly excited to meet the adult women they develop into once they pass through the final trials and tribulations of the terrible teen years.
- I’m stubborn and intelligent. These two traits have kept me whole and happy through more BS than any human should have to deal with. Even in the face of a seemingly impenetrable wall, I find a way through, over, around, above it to achieve the goal I’m after hiding on the other side. My middle daughter told me today that she describes me to her friends as ‘someone who doesn’t take no for an answer, but always finds a way to accomplish what she sets out to do’. That’s the stubbornness, and while it gets me into a lot of trouble, it also gets me back out of it. The intelligence helps me sort out when to apply it and when to back down and find something new to try. When I listen to my own better judgment, that is.
- The people around me support me. I’ve made some strange choices in my life. I’ve moved across country on a whim with no money and no job prospects (and made it work). I’m supporting a family on a freelance writing income. I choose to love and make a life with a significantly disabled man. Other aspects of my nature (being poly, being pagan, being the weirdo nerd girl that I am) are not always easy for other folks to grok and accept. Yet those closest to me support me unconditionally (albeit with a baffled look on occasion) and allow me to carve out space in the world that suits me. I know plenty of folks don’t have that acceptance, and I am incredibly grateful for mine.
- I had a really strange childhood. My parents were musicians. Their friends were various types of creative/oddball types. I was given a pretty free reign to think and explore and get curious. One of my aunts is a geek who happily encouraged me to read and explore the world of possibility scifi/fantasy brings. (Thanks for all the Pern books <3). I had the chance from an early age to see that life doesn’t have to be what mainstream culture expects us to make of it. You can create a destiny that suits you. There is more to the world than what appears on the nightly news and in your history books. I wouldn’t be nearly as content with myself, I think, without that early lesson in rebellious living.
Bonus: Music. If all else fails, I have really loud speakers and a world of great music at my fingertips, thanks to the streaming services of Google Play.
What keeps you going on rough days?